More Advice for My Daughter

1. Don't fall into the tin basket
that you and your brothers use as a goal.
You will get stuck.
Your mom will take pictures to document this amazing feat.
And then post it on her blog.
All in a successful attempt to embarrass you.
(Yes, I am positive it will be successful)2. What not to call your mom.
Again.
Clearly, the first time I gave you this advice
you didn't get it.
Last night you said to me:
What's up, Dawg.

On second thought,
maybe I am getting somewhere.
After your comment I gave you "the mom" look.
And you said:
I mean Mommalicious.Much better.
Thank you.

What Not to Call Your Mom

A little advice for my daughter.1. Girlfriend.
As in:
You know that's right, girlfriend!

Right now, I am your mom.
Someday I hope to be your momfriend.
That's the name I just made up for my mom.
She's pretty much my best friend.
But she's still my mom.
She's always the one I call when I'm sick.
I don't need to let all my other friends know when I'm barfing.
But my mom needs to know.
She's my momfriend.2. Dude
First of all, I usually associate dude with a guy.
Second of all, according to you kids,
the official definition of dude is:
an infected hair on an elephant's rear.
Since I am neither of these two,
I would prefer not to be called by that name.3. Mom Dog.
You tried this one on me just the other day.
I believe my response was:
Excuse me?
To which you just laughed.

You are not Randy Jackson.
And I am most definitely not a contestant on American Idol.

Keep trying, sweetie.
You'll eventually hit one I like.
Here's a couple suggestions:
Mombeautiful.
Mommaliscious.
Just thinking off the top of my head here...